Loved By The Father

"I see the work of Your Hands Galaxies spin in a Heavenly dance oh God All that You are is so overwhelming I hear the sound of Your Voice All at once it’s a gentle and thundering noise oh God All that You are is so overwhelming I delight myself in You Captivated by Your beauty I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You God, I run into Your arms Unashamed because of mercy I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You I know the power of Your Cross Forgiven and free forever You’ll be my God All that You’ve done is so overwhelming I delight myself in You In the Glory of Your Presence I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You God, I run into Your arms Unashamed because of mercy I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You You are Beautiful, You are Beautiful Oh God, there is no one more Beautiful You are Beautiful, God you are the most Beautiful You are Wonderful, You are Wonderful Oh God, there is no one more Wonderful You are Wonderful, God You are the most Wonderful You are Glorious, You are Glori...

It's my fault entirely, I know, but I'm back!    Have you ever felt like a new person after riding a wave of weird and calm? I don't know how those two go together, but *hand raised*. So much has happened! If you've read anything by me, you already know you might have to schedule reading time for this entry. Lol. I'm a bit long-winded with writing. In person, not so much. I don't know how to paraphrase. I just want to get it all out, I guess. I like my writing the same way I like my music: thorough. And I don't mind if it's long because I'm covering all the bases... or something.  In semi-random order:      I wrote a song called, 'Try.' It's about how people always say that they'll try instead of just doing it (whatever 'it' might be). I'm learning that most things in this life are easier said than done, but they're also better done than said. What would we be if our parents had only attempted to feed us? W...

My mom said, "Your life is not over. It still has purpose. Don't give up."    I'm having a hard time believing that today. I'm feeling left behind and forgotten. A part of me feels like I'm back where I'm started. Introverted. Alone. No one knows me and so no one gives me a chance. A part of me wants to pursue what God has for me in spite of the people who have given up on me and talked about me and mocked me. But I'd be doing it for the wrong reason and I'd be no better than them. Focused on the wrong thing.     Man, this is painful. I know that God has me here for a reason and he's showing me every day, but I want bigger and better than this. God, what is it that I haven't learned yet? What do you want from me? Don't leave me here.  "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God: He heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears." Psalm 18:6    It's hard, bein...

   I went to bible study last Wednesday and took part in a great discussion about secrecy and confession. It's always pretty cool to be in a room full of people, talking about the Word. It's challenging and forces me to get my act together, so to speak. This meeting was only one part of a mini-series of spiritual disciplines in a larger series, "Conforming to God's Image." It's going really well, challenging us to take an honest look at ourselves and conform to his image, 'dying to ourselves' daily. A part of the discussion struck me, though, and I was left speechless for the rest of the meeting.     We were talking about being inviting and transparent (salt and light wasn't mentioned, but the concept was on my mind the whole time) for others to confess to us. In this discussion, we're talking about secrecy as a tool for closeness with God. The idea is that it teaches us anonymity and frees us from the bondage of the opinions of others. We se...

DISCLAIMER : I begin writing this with hesitation and not much intensity. I didn't really want to write about this, but I know that it's what I'm supposed to do. I don't know where this is going or even what I'm supposed to write or say. Holy Spirit, help me...     My mentor mentioned to me a couple of days ago that children get their identity from their father and it bugged me all afternoon, evening and into the next day. As I read articles and book excerpts about father-daughter relationships, I'm getting nervous because I know that I should be transparent, even on this subject, but I don't want to be.     I've never been very close to my father. He and I could sit and crack each other up for hours, but there was no real relationship. I didn't feel close to him and honestly, I didn't have very much respect for him. He was never the person I thought of when I thought of a father figure or a person of strength and love. My parents split soon ...

We've  been together for nearly a year and a half and I’m so glad that the good outweighs the bad. But sometimes, I worry that the only reason the good outweighs the bad is that he’s bigger than me and he’s the good…             We met at the fine arts building where we were both students. I thought he was weird and obnoxious and I really  wasn't  interested. But to be honest (shh…  don't  tell him), I thought he was really cute. He has beautiful dark eyes, round cheeks and he’s almost a foot taller than me! His skin looks like peanut butter and his dark, full locs contrast perfectly and - *clears throat* Let me straighten up, ‘cause I’m saved.  J  I thought he was interested in someone else, actually, so I avoided him and his peanut-buttery skin.             But soon he began to pursue me. I ignored him, but he was funny and he ...

   I started keeping a prayer/study journal just before the fast that set so much in motion. God told me to start a new one, logging heavier entries and devotionals, prayers and songs. I had visions of where he might be going with this which made me really nervous, but I followed directions anyway. But after a while, I began to focus on the task at hand, leaving my cares and future with God. Then another while passed and he said, 'publish it.' I had known this might be coming, but I buckled down and got focused. *It seems that a 'spiritual awakening' can do that a person. You forget your worries for all the passion that God grows in you. His purpose and will for you become much more important than any of your cares and worries ever were and your worry becomes meditation. Your anger becomes fire for him.* He nudged me in the direction of blogging and I got started. I was a kind of persevering nervous. I was nervous, yes, but I wasn't going to let it stop me from se...

What is fear? Jason Nelson posted this and it spoke to me. "We often hide fear by calling it caution or concern. Diluting doesn't cancel its effect... Paralyzing obedience."  I think we associate certain things with certain words. For example, the word 'sermon' is typically associated with preachers. Shouldn't it be associated with all of God's people? Shouldn't our very lives by the greatest sermons we ever 'preach,' showing God's power, grace and love through transparency, love and obedience to God? What does it mean to salt and light?     I spoke with someone who was having issues with someone in their church and my first thought, as they were telling what had happened, was Jesus' message about being salt and light. How can I be salt of the earth only when it is convenient for me? Am I to only light up the world outside the walls of my church?     As salt, we are to serve as preservatives, stopping the moral decay of our sin-i...

   Yesterday was Easter, or Resurrection Sunday (pronounced Sun'-dee, depending on where  you're from), and I'm still reeling from the celebration. God's gifts are boundless and endless and his sacrifice is my saving grace. It's something to be excited about daily, not just one day out of the year. [Don't worry. This post isn't about eradicating the holiday because "we should be able to celebrate every day." Pssh. Give me a break. I don't think there's anything wrong with designating a day to especially celebrate something great.]    I was most excited Saturday nights because I'd prayed and studied all week long. I read the gospels and really communed with God. I wanted this Easter to mean more than just pretty dress and suits and hats, egg hunts and speeches and reenactments. And boy, did God deliver!     I wonder what Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection meant to people who had only heard of him and his teaching. Then, I consid...

   You've experienced spiritual highs, where God speaks to you at every turn. You inclined your ear to his booming, glorious voice. Your hand in his, he seems to stand behind you like a father, helping his toddler learn to walk. You find yourself singing hymns throughout the day. The butterflies in your belly only dance when he calls. Your very heart turns flips when you get into his sweet presence.     But then... God is silent and seemingly distant and unreachable.  Your prayers seem empty (because  it's hard to talk to someone who doesn't seem to be listening) and yield no result. It's hard to reach him in worship. You begin to wonder if God is displeased with your living. Your heart's dancing ceases, sobering in the silence and tearfully whispers, "Father, where did you go?"    You continue to pray and praise, but you're distracted by the pain of separation from the Father. You continue to pray and praise because it's what you've lear...

   Sometimes, God wants to test our faith in him... Instead of swooping down like Captain Planet to 'save the day' he said 'look at my princess, finally pursuing me back. Let's see how much she'll let me love her.       He told me to fast and pray. I said, "Okay. Tell me how." I was nervous, then, because I just KNEW it was a rest. I got anxious, wanting to begin as soon as possible. But I waited until he said, 'go.' I didn't want to do it alone. I'd begun an nearly seamless friendship with a delightful and spirited young woman I'll call AP 😊. We talked almost daily even/especially when I didn't feel like it. She wouldn't let me sulk or throw pity parties. She encouraged me to seek God in everything and even nudged me to him in the best way: sincerity. She was genuine and kind and wasn't afraid to tell me what I needed to hear (feelings are fleeting, kids). Finding a willing real friend in the Church can be h...