We've been together for nearly a year and a half and I’m so glad that the good outweighs the bad. But sometimes, I worry that the only reason the good outweighs the bad is that he’s bigger than me and he’s the good…
We met at the fine arts building where we were both students. I thought he was weird and obnoxious and I really wasn't interested. But to be honest (shh… don't tell him), I thought he was really cute. He has beautiful dark eyes, round cheeks and he’s almost a foot taller than me! His skin looks like peanut butter and his dark, full locs contrast perfectly and - *clears throat* Let me straighten up, ‘cause I’m saved. J I thought he was interested in someone else, actually, so I avoided him and his peanut-buttery skin.
But soon he began to pursue me. I ignored him, but he was funny and he did so much to appeal to my heart that I had a hard time rejecting him. We hung out and started getting to know each other. After a while, he asked to take me out to dinner. I had so much fun! I was so at ease with him that I hardly wore any makeup (and I almost always do). I didn't have to hide my insecurities from him, but then – I forgot about them around him. Maybe, he sensed that I’d been alone and hurt or maybe he just wanted to love me. Either way, I not only felt beautiful around him, but I felt empowered and pushed. But he was too perfect, I think. He made things so easy that it was hard, I guess, for me to make things hard. I felt like I was becoming someone I didn't want to be. I was angry and bitter and every tiny flaw of his made me flip out, though mostly internally. I was so needy and emotional and sensitive and I started to think that it was become of him. I thought that he brought out the worst in me. And he did…
Now, recall what it means to be light.
He reflected so much of Jesus’ light that I had no choice but to see my own flaws. These were flaws I’d seen in other people and perhaps thought myself separate. But maybe they were mirrors and I was looking at an angle from which it was impossible to see myself. But my love stood directly in front of me. He wasn't afraid to face me head-on and he loved me enough to do it and do it with patience and understanding [, for the most part. My baby’s a work in progress, like the rest of us]. J And you know what? I believe that’s what made me fall in love with him. With all of my flaws and baggage, he loves me like a jewel. It’s as if every scar to him is like a cut on a diamond that makes it shine more brilliantly and in a different way each time you turn it against light. How amazing it is when a man takes his cues from God on how to love a woman.
At some point, something in me snapped. I started trying more, putting a greater effort into patience and understanding. Here I have this wonderful man of God who loves me like I've never been loved before and I’m not certain I know how to love him back. No, he’s not perfect, but neither am I and he’s willing work with me. Sometimes, we work each other’s nerves. Bad. LOL. But I trust God and I’m learning to trust the God in him.
I said all that to say that I’m so grateful that God creates ‘mirrors’ in us to be light in the world. The light that we reflect isn't for us to look good and bright. It’s to make God visible in a sin-infested world. Furthermore, I’m so thankful for the light God shines through my love. He’s so receptive and kind and shows me Jesus every single day. Sure, our love is bf/gf, but what should keep us from being salt and light in each other’s lives? I suppose you never know who’s watching and in what capacity.
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