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Obedience (and Selflessness) [I'm sorry this is so long]

   I started keeping a prayer/study journal just before the fast that set so much in motion.

God told me to start a new one, logging heavier entries and devotionals, prayers and songs. I had visions of where he might be going with this which made me really nervous, but I followed directions anyway. But after a while, I began to focus on the task at hand, leaving my cares and future with God. Then another while passed and he said, 'publish it.' I had known this might be coming, but I buckled down and got focused. *It seems that a 'spiritual awakening' can do that a person. You forget your worries for all the passion that God grows in you. His purpose and will for you become much more important than any of your cares and worries ever were and your worry becomes meditation. Your anger becomes fire for him.* He nudged me in the direction of blogging and I got started. I was a kind of persevering nervous. I was nervous, yes, but I wasn't going to let it stop me from seeing what God wanted for and from me. I was moving in the will of God and nothing was going to stop me, not even my own nerves.

It seemed strange that I was getting signs and things to start a blog, but why can't the same God who told Paul to write letter to the early churches tell a lowly cellist to start a blog of testimony and praise? After all, the body of Christ is a community of believers. What's a community without sharing? We share new ideas, music, and other things. Why not testimony? I suppose now that God wanted to get me out of my shell. How can I be the mentor and friend I wanted for so long with a closed mouth?

I published it! Without hesitation, I shared it with close friends (my amazing bf, AP and her bf), then my parents. God wanted me to share it with everyone and after a while, I did. I posted a public message on facebook, announcing (late) its conception and drawing attention to it. Maybe an hour later, selfishness crept in. I wondered if people would even read my post, let alone follow the link to my blog. But, God reminded me that it was about him, not me. He told me that he would draw his people to him. The great thing about following God's instructions is that you're working on his project [so to speak] so he'll make sure you have everything you need to do your part. When we give God control and reign over our lives, he leads us like a father with a toddler. He'll see to your safety and provision. He'll see it to prosper, because he wants his people to know him. Besides, God cannot fail.

TIPS!

You must learn to wait.

I believe the root of impatience for so many is envy. We see the success of others and, of course, want it for ourselves. But we don't know what they endured for their success, nor do we know the lengths they might have had to go to in order to have what they have. I know those two might seem like the same thing, but... they're not. Some people wait on the Lord, some don't.

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!"

God "knows the plans" he has for you, "for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." The same God who loves you so much that he sent his own son to die for you loves so much that he'll see you through those plans.

Habakkuk 2:3 "For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end - it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay."

Believing that God STILL has you on his mind can be difficult in times of silence and darkness, but trust in him always.

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

This scripture has always comforted me. In my waiting, God will give me peace so that the successes of others/the visions of my own successes will not cause my heart to stir in envy/impatience. His peace will come upon when he is silent and I'll remember that he's still with me and I don't need to worry.

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

God will meet your needs ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY IN CHRIST JESUS. God wants to bless you with needs and wants, but you must believe in him. Paul writes in verse 17 that he sought not gifts for himself, but to the credit of the Philippians. It's like God wants to see the fruits of his labor in you as fruit you will bear.

Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

If God provides for birds and clothes the flowers, surely he will do so for us.

My favorite verse in this passage, verse 27 asks, "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"

If it is out of your control, why are you worrying about it?

I said all of that to say arrive here. My friend messaged me a few days ago, saying that she was inspired by reading my first entry. 'Now I know I'm not alone.' Why should I have ever worried about whether or not anyone might be reached? Of course, God would see his people delivered to him. Surely, he would direct them to do something they might not ordinarily do (i.e. read a barely known blog) in order to reach them.

This was my lesson in obedience and selflessness. Obey God and don't worry about how he will see his purpose fulfilled. Just know that it will be. He loves you.







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