My mom said, "Your life is not over. It still has purpose. Don't give up."
I'm having a hard time believing that today. I'm feeling left behind and forgotten. A part of me feels like I'm back where I'm started. Introverted. Alone. No one knows me and so no one gives me a chance. A part of me wants to pursue what God has for me in spite of the people who have given up on me and talked about me and mocked me. But I'd be doing it for the wrong reason and I'd be no better than them. Focused on the wrong thing.
Man, this is painful. I know that God has me here for a reason and he's showing me every day, but I want bigger and better than this. God, what is it that I haven't learned yet? What do you want from me? Don't leave me here.
"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God: He heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears." Psalm 18:6
It's hard, being in this uncomfortable place, waiting while everyone around me moves forward. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of pressing toward a mark that seems to fade more and more with the passing of each day. And I'm not getting through to anyone. You told me to use the voice you gave to me, but no one's listening. Instead, they talk about me and give up and forget about me. I know you know what this is like. You came down to earth FROM HEAVEN to save me. You were mocked and talked about, scandalized and abused even though you had no sin. *light bulb* I have sinned against you and your children time and time again. Maybe, I can suck it up and endure for your cause. After all you did for me, I can go on.
"Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you, for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others." Ecclesiastes 7:21-22
Friends, so what if people talk about you. Mind your business! Contrary to popular belief, someone else's conversation about you is not your business. Your business is what God says about you, not people. The opinions of others have no power over/against you.
“Don't concern yourself with the opinions of those who judge you. That is placing on them an importance they do not have.”
So, concern yourself with God's thought toward you and his purpose for you. And don't let feeling left behind or abused or mocked get you down. If God "knows the plans" he has for you, they surely exist. There are good plans for you that are already under way. Trust that whatever you may be going through is part of the plan and they will work for your good if you align yourself with God and his plans for you. You cannot be counted out, not even by yourself.
I wrote this on Monday, April 27th, 2015. It was inspired by a conversation I'd had with God. I kept praying and crying about feeling left behind and forgotten and God really 'got me together' and reminded me of somethings. Thanks*
'God, I feel alone and forgotten, forsaken and left behind. I'm trying to keep going, but it's getting tough, especially watching everyone achieve so much... If this doesn't work out,-" Stop! How dare you try to decide the circumstances under which you'll follow my instructions?! You are not in charge, here. I am... Princess, take pleasure and reassurance in my power and love. Know that the God who rules and reigns over your life does not do so with little concern for you. I care for you. I do not rule over you with an iron fist, but with the strong and endearing and everlasting love of an adoring father. I have not forgotten you. You are my heart. You belong to me. I will take care of you.
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