You've experienced spiritual highs, where God speaks to you at every turn. You inclined your ear to his booming, glorious voice. Your hand in his, he seems to stand behind you like a father, helping his toddler learn to walk. You find yourself singing hymns throughout the day. The butterflies in your belly only dance when he calls. Your very heart turns flips when you get into his sweet presence.
But then... God is silent and seemingly distant and unreachable. Your prayers seem empty (because it's hard to talk to someone who doesn't seem to be listening) and yield no result. It's hard to reach him in worship. You begin to wonder if God is displeased with your living. Your heart's dancing ceases, sobering in the silence and tearfully whispers, "Father, where did you go?"
You continue to pray and praise, but you're distracted by the pain of separation from the Father. You continue to pray and praise because it's what you've learned to do. Custom. Culture. Family-training. Whatever the reason, it's habit now, to go to church on Sundays, tithe and sing hymns. But the distance remains.
Maybe, you forget altogether and settle into a routine. Practicing religion, but not living for God, gives a false sense of contentment. Maybe, you think about it every single day because no matter how often that man tells you he loves you, no matter how hard your prayer partner squeezes your hand in prayer, no matter how many time you ask your church to pray for you during altar call, and no matter how many heart-to-hearts you have with your Mom-Mom nothing can ever compare to being in God's presence. You've now experienced God's presence and nothing and no one can compare. The separation nearly makes you ache.
*Days go by. Weeks. Months. If you're like me, years go by before you heed your heart's nagging and pulling toward the Savior. *
You spend nights crying, wondering "why am I still here?" You stopped hearing his voice, so you went on about your [own] way, doing what you wanted. You thought, 'maybe this is life for me.' Things begin to happen. You don't recognize these things as signs, but God is commanding his love toward you. You're surrounded by believers who are strong in faith, everywhere you go. So many people invite you to their churches or strike up conversation about the Lord and you don't know what to say. You're not 'together' yet. *Contrary to popular belief, you don't 'get yourself together' and then go to God. You don't actually get yourself together. He does. I'm so glad he didn't give me that responsibility. I get to rely on His grace and wisdom.* Don't worry. God is not rubbing faith in your face. He's calling you, hoping you'll be encouraged by the signs. Opportunity you didn't expect. Peace you didn't understand. Grace you didn't deserve. What was my sign? I realized that the path I was on, hanging out with the people I was, going to the places I was, and being alone with the thoughts I had about myself would've killed me.
You feel a strong and intense pull on your heart. And maybe you find yourself getting nervous in random places and at random times. Sometimes, it seems like all of your emotions are heightened. You're not crazy. You're not losing your mind. These serve as reminders that you are human. You are a living soul and feel things. And your feeling are valid. And they are of great concern for God.
You begin to seek him. Paying attention in church. Attending bible study meetings. You read books, commentaries and articles, searching for some semblance of the Father you left once before. You pray, "God, if you're here, speak to me." He says, "I'm here. I never left." and your heart belts out the hallelujah you KNOW the angels sang when the prodigal son returned. You dance. You sing. You read. Your pray. You study. You worship him in his presence.
*Many people think that the life of a believer is full of sunshine and rainbows. Aaaand, it is. Some believers might disagree, but how did we get the rainbows? Rain falls in the life of a believer. Often. It might be accompanied by thunder and lightning and the believer still sees the sun. How? God is our sun. He lights our path and life. He warms us with his lovingkindness. And like a flower, we lean to his warm gaze. *
You know that at some point, things will get rough again, but you trust God. He saw you through this mess [that you inflicted on yourself] and he'll see you through the next.
But then... God is silent and seemingly distant and unreachable. Your prayers seem empty (because it's hard to talk to someone who doesn't seem to be listening) and yield no result. It's hard to reach him in worship. You begin to wonder if God is displeased with your living. Your heart's dancing ceases, sobering in the silence and tearfully whispers, "Father, where did you go?"
You continue to pray and praise, but you're distracted by the pain of separation from the Father. You continue to pray and praise because it's what you've learned to do. Custom. Culture. Family-training. Whatever the reason, it's habit now, to go to church on Sundays, tithe and sing hymns. But the distance remains.
Maybe, you forget altogether and settle into a routine. Practicing religion, but not living for God, gives a false sense of contentment. Maybe, you think about it every single day because no matter how often that man tells you he loves you, no matter how hard your prayer partner squeezes your hand in prayer, no matter how many time you ask your church to pray for you during altar call, and no matter how many heart-to-hearts you have with your Mom-Mom nothing can ever compare to being in God's presence. You've now experienced God's presence and nothing and no one can compare. The separation nearly makes you ache.
*Days go by. Weeks. Months. If you're like me, years go by before you heed your heart's nagging and pulling toward the Savior. *
You spend nights crying, wondering "why am I still here?" You stopped hearing his voice, so you went on about your [own] way, doing what you wanted. You thought, 'maybe this is life for me.' Things begin to happen. You don't recognize these things as signs, but God is commanding his love toward you. You're surrounded by believers who are strong in faith, everywhere you go. So many people invite you to their churches or strike up conversation about the Lord and you don't know what to say. You're not 'together' yet. *Contrary to popular belief, you don't 'get yourself together' and then go to God. You don't actually get yourself together. He does. I'm so glad he didn't give me that responsibility. I get to rely on His grace and wisdom.* Don't worry. God is not rubbing faith in your face. He's calling you, hoping you'll be encouraged by the signs. Opportunity you didn't expect. Peace you didn't understand. Grace you didn't deserve. What was my sign? I realized that the path I was on, hanging out with the people I was, going to the places I was, and being alone with the thoughts I had about myself would've killed me.
You feel a strong and intense pull on your heart. And maybe you find yourself getting nervous in random places and at random times. Sometimes, it seems like all of your emotions are heightened. You're not crazy. You're not losing your mind. These serve as reminders that you are human. You are a living soul and feel things. And your feeling are valid. And they are of great concern for God.
You begin to seek him. Paying attention in church. Attending bible study meetings. You read books, commentaries and articles, searching for some semblance of the Father you left once before. You pray, "God, if you're here, speak to me." He says, "I'm here. I never left." and your heart belts out the hallelujah you KNOW the angels sang when the prodigal son returned. You dance. You sing. You read. Your pray. You study. You worship him in his presence.
*Many people think that the life of a believer is full of sunshine and rainbows. Aaaand, it is. Some believers might disagree, but how did we get the rainbows? Rain falls in the life of a believer. Often. It might be accompanied by thunder and lightning and the believer still sees the sun. How? God is our sun. He lights our path and life. He warms us with his lovingkindness. And like a flower, we lean to his warm gaze. *
You know that at some point, things will get rough again, but you trust God. He saw you through this mess [that you inflicted on yourself] and he'll see you through the next.
PS I realize that I might not have been clear enough. We often ask God 'where are you? where did you go?' But he's literally always near. There's no place or condition that could separate us from him. We are the ones who leave. And God asks, "where are you?" like he did with Adam and Eve, when they sinned against him. It's amazing how great and powerful and mighty our god is, and yet he seeks us while we are yet in sin.
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